If there’s one thing I hate, it’s guys who cheat. Another thing is guys who lie. And while I know not all guys cheat, I have yet to meet a guy who doesn’t lie. Then there’s the third thing: guys who break promises. That is why I have to break up with the Maytag repairman. Let me explain: About 18 months ago, I moved into a new house. I bought a new refrigerator, washer and dryer, and dishwasher right away, all Maytag. Why Maytag? Well, if you’re at least 40 years old, you probably remember those advertisements in which the Maytag repairman claimed to be suffering from extreme loneliness because his appliances never seemed to need repair. I often wondered what he did with all his spare time, but now I know the truth.
The other day, my $2,400 refrigerator/freezer broke. Oh sure, it came with a warranty. The first year, everything is covered. In the second through fifth years, parts and labor are covered, but the customer has to pay for the service call, in this case $142. When I called the supposedly lonely Maytag repairman, he told me he could come out here in about eight days. Eight days! I told him that was unacceptable. I can’t go that long without refrigeration — I eat a lot of dairy products. So he told me he could come in two days for an extra charge of $35, plus tax. I was desperate so I agreed.
He came out today and replaced the fan motor and now my fridge is crispy cold. And that’s exactly how I feel about Maytag from now on. Maytag lies about how dependable their products are. And since the repairman isn’t available immediately, he’s obviously cheating on me with other broken appliances. And if I can bribe him with $35 to get out here sooner than expected, he’s probably breaking his date with one of those other refrigerators in order to put more cash in his pocket.
Lying, cheating, breaking promises — they’re all unacceptable to me. So Mr. Maytag repairman, we’re through. I’m getting someone new. And soon. It’s time for my washer and dryer and dishwasher to break next.